By An Even More Concerned Woman

Last fall, a concerned man published dating advice for SIPA men in The Morningside Post article, "The Ten Commandments for SIPA Men". Though he made a few salient points like “Have courage, bro,” the previous commandments are perhaps best remembered for lines such as: “[SIPA men] exhibit not a vague confusion, not a mild awkwardness, but a deep, structural incompetence that feels almost policy relevant,” “Women are amazing, but are also unpredictable,” and perhaps most unforgettably, “Many [SIPA men] truly do deserve to die as virgins.”

While I applaud the author for his charitable efforts, I caution against his singular perspective in his quest to educate his fellow brethren. Would dating advice from a man (who I assume to be in IFEP) actually be that helpful?

This article is not meant as a slight to the author, ‘A Concerned Man’—consider this an addition to the dating tips he covered. The straight men of SIPA deserve to hear straight from the source. I want to go beyond the basics and help provide some perspective as a SIPA woman on what we really want from SIPA men.

Without further ado, here are the revised Ten Commandments for SIPA men, from a SIPA woman.

Become a TA. Are you good at Econ or Quant? Can you make a lot of eye contact? Do you spend a lot of time in the Lehman group study area? Having a captivating two-hour recitation every week where people have to stare at you is a guaranteed way to inspire affection.
Be handy. Sure, you can write a policy memo, but how good are you with a screwdriver? Don’t wait for facilities to fix the water pressure at the bottle refillers—get those tools out and fix them yourself. We love a well-rounded king.
Be chivalrous. Save her spot in the security line for Hillary Clinton’s class while she gets a coffee from Publique. Kick out the undergrads from Lehman during finals. Reveal which SIPA men have secret girlfriends back home. It’s the little things that count.
Drop that ISD or IFEP concentration and get her an invitation to a TPI party hosted by Professor Schiffrin. A highly coveted spot, with guaranteed good food and even better company—any SIPA woman would appreciate the connect.
Open up 116th Street to the public again. Admin loves to remind us that we’re at Columbia University in the City of New York, yet they block the city from accessing a public street. Tear those gates down with your bare hands. It’s hot how much you care about your community.
Talk about how wealthy you are. Preferably generational, since we’ll all be making minimum wage post-SIPA. But, like, be subtle about it. Share how you grew up skiing (only applies if you are American) or how you live without roommates as a student.
Secure her an internship—or even better, a full-time offer. If you want to hold the door open for a girl, start with the doors of your parents’ foundation. Think of the disastrous job market as an opportunity to prove how committed you are to supporting women in the workplace.
Broker a deal with OSA to get her an 18-credit cap for the 2026-2027 academic year. We all gave SIPA our enrollment deposit before they announced the credit cap. Get her what she paid for!
Make real, long-term institutional change—the Columbia way. Advocate passionately for what you believe in, but remember to pre-register your protest with the university. You could also choose to not pre-register and let her see you get led away in handcuffs, if you’re into that.
Or, just start with holding the doors open for her on the 6th floor entrance. They are so heavy!!!

To SIPA men, I say it’s not necessary to successfully implement all of these commandments. Achieving Commandment VII should be enough to get you a girlfriend by the April gala. Or if Commandment VI applies to you, buying a gal a SIPA gala ticket is a good way to start.

And SIPA women—there are plenty of other schools at Columbia. Have you tried getting into the law library, or cross-registering at the business school?

Best of luck, ladies and more so, gentlemen.

The Revised Ten Commandments for SIPA Men, From a SIPA Woman