SOUPASA: New Soups to Try on Campus this Semester
By The Official Soup Reviewer
In a increasingly divisive world, politics is becoming even more all encompassing and pervasive. People reflect their visions for a political future with the people they choose to associate with, the classes we attend, and, even, the clothes we wear.
Ever the trend setting hotspot for hot beverages and cutting edge pastries (served in plastic bags because nothing says delicious like a little extra plastic), Publique has decided to take politics and international affairs to the next level with new, limited edition soups. Finally, you can be just as partisan and internationally opinionated while you eat as you are choosing between your “Fake News” sweatshirt or “Free Palestine” hat.
Rebranded Timeless Classics
Moroccan Lentil Ban
Back on the menu after 9 months of extreme vetting, this spicy, delicious, and exotic soup has finally made its return after missing a semester or two. Overtones of harissa, turmeric, and cilantro complete the vague sense of not belonging. Order now — who knows what will happen.
South China Clam Chowder
An iteration of a classic! These clams are fished from the shores of man-made islands in the South China Sea and they pack a multitude of flavors from the spicy diesel oil of skirmishing naval ships to the gritty by-products of dredging.
Charlottesville White Cheddar
This creamy creation invited controversy last year by taking over the menu for weeks despite deep unpopularity. The new and improved recipe with alternative ingredient removes that unsavory taste you may have gotten last time!
Chicken Tortilla Wall
Crunchy, warm, and with a taste that harkens back to simpler times, this convenient — if bland and hastily put together — soup brings it all back home. And stay there.
Avant-garde New Samplings
Chèvre with Apple Cider Tax Reduction
Repatriation is one of the buzzwords for 2018 if you’re a tax accountant, corporate mogul, or simply an Irish national. This refined soup for the business type is perfect for that quick break between classes as you check your stock portfolio on your iPhone.
Mean Lean Deregulation Machine
Molecular gastronomy comes to SIPA! Propyl Gallate, Sodium Nitrite, PCB, Phthalates, Adipates, Potassium Benzoate, and an outsized serving of MSG. This innovative soup has it all. Because you only live once, and we’re going to die in 2040 anyway.
Really Green Bean
These surprisingly large beans have been endorsed by 14 members of congress. Grown with unique water sources that Scott Pruitt personally approved as his last act at the EPA. They’re so green they should be illegal (And at times, they were).
So, there you have it. These soups are perfect for those times when you want a slight sour taste in your mouth for laughing at something that is only sort of funny but also sincerely terrible. You know those times? Precisely. That’s when you should eat these soups.