Diplomessy #2: Publique Policy for the Microwave Queue

(Students line up during lunch in front of the Publique microwaves at SIPA/Andrew Tseng)

By Pranav Mehta

The scene is set. You have just come out of a class on the marginal rate of substitution, where all you could think about was substituting a marginally rated egg salad sandwich for a hot meal. You rush to Publique, ready to eat your well-prepared, but slightly sad meal from last night. And then, disaster: the microwave queue. It stretches to the very borders of a neighboring country, an edifice so long, you'd think someone had promised to make the same neighboring country pay for it. At first, you convince yourself that the line isn't that bad: you’re just hangry. But as you creep closer, you realize you have vastly underestimated the scale of this unmitigated disaster. Each person is eyeing the microwaves intently, like they are offering post-grad work authorization. In front of you, a student is holding a Tupperware that contains an entire Thanksgiving dinner. Adversaries exchange uneasy glances—silent alliances forming, rivals sizing each other up, each debating whether that deli sandwich would be a better bet than waiting for their turn. You start doing the math: two minutes per meal, multiplied by the eight people ahead of you, divided by your ever-decreasing patience—it’s going to be a long one. The air is thick with thinly veiled impatience, but mostly with the scent of egg salad.

At this point, you need to employ some diplomatic strategy. Sure, you could stand and wait, but come on, what self-respecting New Yorker would do that? Here’s are a few key tactics to get ahead:

The Look of Utter Despair

Master the delicate art of looking like you’re moments away from complete emotional and physical collapse. Let’s be honest, it’s not about hunger—you’ve had at least two protein bars since breakfast—but about conveying that the very last shred of your willpower is tied to heating that lasagna. A long, dramatic sigh paired with a look of existential dread should do the trick. If inspiration evades you, visualize that you have just been handed a group project due tomorrow.

Friendly Relations

Diplomacy is all about making connections, even if those connections last for exactly five minutes. Strike up a conversation with the person in front of you—ideally, someone who is  heating something small and quick. Compliment their meal choice with an enthusiasm usually reserved for Michelin-starred restaurants (“LOVE how you paired that soup with Cheetos!”) The goal here is simple: get them to feel so comfortable that they offer to let you go first. “Hey, why don’t you jump ahead? You’ve got way more to heat than me,” they’ll say, thinking it was their idea all along. And just like that, you’ve subtly outmaneuvered the line—proving, of course, that your policy degree was worth every penny. 

Feigned Urgency

This move requires precision. Casually glance at your watch, widen your eyes slightly, and mutter, just loud enough to be overheard, “I’ve got a coffee chat in five minutes.” Coffee chats are sacrosanct, especially at SIPA. It’s a soft power move. If all goes well, someone in line might actually offer you their spot out of pure pity.

Et voilà—you’ve secured your spot. With great power comes great responsibility: what do you do with your microwave privilege? There is, of course, only one option: zap your meal for 6 minutes. I’m kidding—nothing sours international relations like embargoes, so maintain a healthy lunch trade surplus in your favor for rainy days. Respect the unwritten microwave treaty: ninety seconds of heat make the coldest meals complete. Once your egg salad sandwich is hot and steaming, you have officially won the battle, and everyone around you has officially lost their sense of smell. But, always remember: this victory is temporary. Tomorrow, someone else will likely employ the same tactics on you. So eat quickly, savor the fleeting taste of triumph, and prepare for the next round of negotiations. Dinner awaits.

Pranav Mehta, CFA (MIA '26) is an International Finance and Economic Policy student. He holds a B.S. in Electrical Engineering from New York University Abu Dhabi.