MACro Solutions at SIPA

By SIPA Follies

Students in the International Affairs Building can look forward to an exciting array of familiar food options starting Spring 2020. In response to a variety of criticism from students across several years, the administration of SIPA has successfully negotiated a 10-year deal with global giant, McDonalds, to open an exclusive outlet on the 6th floor, replacing the Nous-run Publique café.

The University believes this deal will allow SIPA to raise additional funding for their new Manhattanville campus. “We won’t make any money at all, but we’re hoping an entrepreneurial spirit will kickstart an informal economy of discriminatory pricing – making richer SIPA graduates.”

“SIPA Students have complained about food quality, prices, and a lack of financial aid,” explained a SIPA representative.“This deal will take care of all three – a masterstroke – while allowing us to conduct practical education through an on-campus Big Mac Index right here in SIPA.”

The ground-breaking arrangement was mediated by a representative from the World Bank who praised the forward-thinking philosophy behind the deal. “The Big Mac Index has relied on sampling a global audience’s purchasing power through the purchase of burgers across the world. By hosting this study in SIPA, we’ll get our answers right here - where the world connects.”

SIPA’s Economics Department declined to comment on this radical economic experiment. 

A parallel negotiation with McDonalds led by the Office of Student Affairs and the Office of Career Services will kick off on Monday to provide on-campus employment. “Our faculty are of the opinion that SIPA students get low-paying jobs, we want to ensure parity amongst the student population” stated an anonymous OSA representative. The negotiators hope that these student positions can be converted to full time policy jobs at McDonalds through an exclusive McStone project.

A student response will be delayed as both SIPASA and TMP offices were sealed, pending demolition, to accommodate the global food provider on the 6th floor.