Listening to the Past

By: Nick Chun

Despite the financial—and sometimes mental—costs of being a student, there is one benefit that stands out to me the most: Spotify Student Premium. Sure, who wouldn’t relish the opportunity to listen to the entire Kidz Bop discography or the immaculate Shrek 2 soundtrack for only $4.99 a month? But, more so, music can act as a time machine, a tune or set of lyrics transporting me back to specific moments - high or low - in an instant.

I started looking at music through this lens after I completed my undergraduate studies. After realizing that a big chapter in my life had passed, I wondered if life would start passing by at 2x the speed. Sitting on the edge of my apartment bed, I could only reflect on a conversation with my freshman roommate about our fear of the “new” being gradually and subtly replaced with the “familiar”.

Afraid of the possibility that days would feel fused together, we mutually agreed to start journaling. My roommate quickly filled the pages of his first journal in just a few weeks. Myself, I had trouble being completely honest with my words. So, I relied on music to remember and revive such memories.

When I hear songs by Hyukoh, a Korean Indie band, I am taken back to lying on the Glade, a large green lawn by the Doe Library at UC Berkeley. My friend had skipped her Economics class (completely understandable) and had suggested that we stop by before her next class. It was still sunny, the ideal California weather, and there were plenty of students around. I put Hyukoh on shuffle as we set up our backpacks as pillows and lay on the grass. Life was without worry as I closed my eyes and felt the sun warm my face.

Or when I listen to Weezer’s Blue Album, I think of my high school friend Nick picking me up in his car to go see a movie. Opening the door, I would be met with a blast of “My Name is Jonas” at a volume of 15 that would continue blaring as I tried to buckle myself in. Feeling goofy but true to ourselves, we would then try to recite the spoken word segment of “Undone - The Sweater Song” with utmost accuracy before delving into the first verse. 

And hearing the jangly chords of The Smiths reminds me of coming back after a not-so-pleasant date during my junior year. It might not be a personal favorite, but returning home and playing along to Johnny Marr’s riffs with Morrissey’s baritone voice in the background made the experience feel both relatable and manageable.

I’m sure there are plenty of memories that have slipped through the cracks for the simple reason that my brain can’t store every little detail. What I imagine is a messy, hastily organized file cabinet filled with the songs and their linked memories—important, trivial, exciting, or saddening. It’s not as neat as a journal, but there is a certain appeal to reliving past moments in a disjointed manner, even if doing so can bring about feelings of longing. 

Thinking about the past can definitely be a challenge at times. As responsibilities mount, we focus more on the present and the future. I personally don’t enjoy the idea of planning too extensively, as I believe life can be unpredictable and that, to an extent, we must learn to go with the flow. And while I understand Edna Mode when she says “I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now,” I still believe thinking of the past can be fulfilling so long as we appreciate how the actions we have taken led us to where we are now. Taking the time to reflect can help us shape our understanding of the larger story through which we are living. Ultimately, I feel gratitude for the past.

But for now, I intend to make the most of that monthly subscription and will undoubtedly try to claim I am a student for many years after I have graduated.