Back to School? Time to Procrastinate by Watching an International Rom Com
(Photo/Irish Wish cast/Netflix)
By Sophia Petros
Here we are, once again. The sun is setting before seven. There’s a nip in the air. The city streets are marginally less smelly. And your classmates are coming back, full of stories about the internships (World Bank) they did over the summer, or the travels they embarked upon (Europe) instead of an internship (thank you, Trump’s America). It’s time to take a deep breath, sink into denial, and binge at least a few more rom coms before midterm season sets in.
Lucky for you, Netflix has served me up a potpourri of international flicks over the years. I have sorted the bad from the bad-but-good for you. Buckle up, primary account holders.
Before I begin, let me disclaim that these are not movies that I have actively sought out. They do not reflect my discerning taste. Rather, they have been fed to me like lunch-in-a-cup to the hoverchair people of WALL-E. Now, I treat you the same way. Let us begin.
1. Isi & Ossi
I arranged this list in no particular order; it is merely coincidence that this movie is listed first and is also incontrovertibly the best movie ever made. At least, this is what I told three separate friends to get them to watch it with me. Years later, when I asked them what they thought, they said, “Haha I think I liked it?,” “tbh i have no recollection of watching it whatsoever,” and “Um i don’t remember this movie at all hahahhahaha.”
Isi (Lisa Vicari) is a spoiled rich girl from Heidelberg whose dream is to cook in America. Ossi (Dennis Mojen) is a poor-but-pure boxer from Mannheim who can instantly count the number of letters in any word. This skill is ostensibly impressive in German but somewhat unintelligible in English subtitles. Isi is frustrated that her parents won’t give her early access to her trust fund, so she pretend-dates Ossi to anger them into changing their minds. This plan works until it doesn’t, at which point I learned how unsatisfying it is to say “F- you” in German. No hard consonant sounds. And there are so many to choose from!
Other than that, Ossi’s grandpa has some extremely questionable raps, and Isi makes lemonade out of lemons (specifically, a surprisingly delicious meal out of Kraft singles, a couple of dusty onions, and corn flakes). Wunderbar.
2. Without Saying Goodbye (Spanish title: Hasta que nos volvamos a encontrar)
I cannot imagine a world in which this movie was not partially funded by the Peruvian Chamber of Commerce. They say, you can fall in love with the beautiful locations or the beautiful people. I say, ¿por qué no los dos?
Salvador (Maxi Iglesias), a wealthy Spanish developer, wants to ruin Peru’s natural beauty by building a six-star hotel for his family business. Ariana (Stephanie Cayo), a free-spirited backpacker, is vehemently against this plan. After having watched Maxi Iglesias in a number of roles (Velvet, Valeria), I am convinced that he is a naturally dorky guy but was just too attractive to be allowed to be a dork. So instead, he dated Stephanie Cayo after filming this movie and allegedly cheated on her. Bummer.
Anyway, back in Peru, Ari reluctantly helps Salvador disconnect from the material world on a hike to Machu Picchu. Ari hides a past trauma. Will Salvador be able to be there for her? Spoiler: at the end, they kitesurf.
3. Chasing the Wind (Turkish title: Rüzgara Bırak)
There was not enough surfing in the last movie, so I now present Chasing the Wind, which features far more windsurfing but far worse waves. Since I studied Turkish for one semester last year, I was able to dive deeply into this movie. I impressed myself by going off-subtitle for complex words and phrases such as: ‘very good!,’ ‘teacher,’ ‘nice to meet you,’ and ‘no.’
Aslı (Hande Erçel) is a CEO of a big company that wants to build an expensive resort by the water. Ege (Barış Arduç) owns the land Aslı wants to build on, where he runs a windsurfing school. Despite his opposition to her plan, Ege helps Aslı disconnect from the material world and enjoy the natural landscape. They windsurf, eat fresh berries, and Ege runs around shirtless with lots of tattoos. There is a pivotal plot moment where Ege has Aslı over for dinner. When you reach this scene, try to pry your eyes away from the beautiful landscape and humans and take a look at Ege’s plants. Every herb you could imagine! Plus cacti! This really resonated with me after killing a basil plant this summer and then trying to re-propagate it.
4. Bride and Prejudice
Admittedly, this movie was neither served to me by Netflix nor is it actually accessible on Netflix (even better—free on YouTube). It was mentioned to me by TMP’s Managing Editor, and I thought it hit the vibe.
In a Y2K Bollywood retelling of Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet/Lalita Bakshi (Aishwarya Rai) lives in Amritsar, and Will Darcy (Martin Henderson) is a rich Californian businessman. They meet at a wedding; Will offends Lalita. I’m sure you know how it goes from here. Perhaps the biggest change from the source material is that space and time have no meaning in this film: characters carefreely hop between Goa, Amritsar, London, and Los Angeles as if they’re meandering around Epcot. The only thing missing is Mr. Darcy in a wet shirt.
5. Irish Wish
Despite its name, I don’t believe there are any Irish actors in this film. Many are inexplicably British, as if they thought we couldn’t tell the difference (not with my SIPA education, no way). The Cliffs of Moher may have, in fact, been a green screen. And, despite the fact that this marks Lindsay Lohan’s official return to cinema, I cannot in good conscience recommend this film. It’s just too far away from the bad-but-good and too solidly in the bad.
I can, however, propose an alternate plan. I have even tested this plan to great success, so you can treat it with the authority you would a Wirecutter article on the best microwaves for small kitchens. All you need is a friend, a TV, and a way to subvert the Vulture paywall.
Find a friend. Find a TV.
Open your laptop.
Read the introduction of this article.
Watch the first two scenes of Irish Wish.
Read the first 3-5 bullet points of the article out loud to your friend.
Watch the next two-four scenes of Irish Wish.
Read the next 5-7 bullet points of the article out loud to your friend.
Repeat until done.
Thank god I wrote this before The Summer I Turned Pretty movie dropped. Since Belly chased an Airtag around Paris for a full calendar year, I would have been forced to include it as an international rom com. Tragedy averted. Happy viewing!